When “Doing It All” Breaks You Down – A Love Letter to the Messy Moments & the Ones Who Hold Us

You ever hit that point where your mind checks out, your body says “nah,” your emotions throw a tantrum, and your spirit goes full ghost mode?

That was me this past weekend.

Not because of bills or business stress. I’m not talking about “life is hard because adulting is expensive” kind of hard times. I’m talking about the full-body, soul-deep meltdown moments. The kind where everything feels like the only way up is to fall all the way down.

Yep. I had one of those.

And here’s the truth: most of the time, I can do it all. I do hold a lot. I’ve done the inner work. I’ve gotten pretty damn good at noticing when I’m carrying too much and either setting it down or delegating it out.

But this time… this time was different.

It was one thing after another. Little weights piling up until suddenly I was under a mountain, crushed, exhausted, and unraveling faster than I could patch the holes.

The kicker? Most people didn’t even notice.

That’s the fun part about being “the strong one,” right? You’re the go-to. The rock. The one that somehow always pulls it together. So when you crack, it’s like—wait, what do you mean you're not fine?

Thank goodness my husband caught it. Saw it in my eyes. Heard it in my silence. And instead of giving me a pep talk or a to-do list, he gave me space. He invited my truth forward.

And wow, did it pour out.

I told him how I felt like I’d been put on the back burner—but still expected to catch what no one else could carry. How I was tired of holding it all together. How I needed help, but couldn’t even name what kind of help I needed. (And whew, don’t even get me started on how hard it is to ask for help.)

Because growing up, asking for help didn’t feel safe. Either my dad wasn’t there, or the rest of my family made me feel small for not having it all figured out. So I learned: survive first, ask later—if at all.

The easiest and safest way? Figure it out on my own.

That little girl in me? She became a master of self-sufficiency.

Luckily for me, that girl also has Gate 16 in her Human Design—the gate of skills, mastery, and versatility. She could adapt. She could juggle. She could perform under pressure like a damn pro.

In Human Design, Gate 16 is about enthusiasm and experimentation. It's the energy that dives deep into developing skill, even when the world doesn’t applaud the process. In the Gene Keys, Gene Key 16 moves from the shadow of indifference to the gift of versatility and the siddhi of mastery. It’s the path of learning to care deeply—not just about doing things well, but doing things with heart.

And that’s me to a T.

I can do it all. But that doesn’t mean I should. Especially not without rest. Not without help. Not without space to pivot between what I’m holding and what I’m healing.

Because I’m not a machine—I’m an Emotional Generator, babe.

I ride waves. Sometimes smooth. Sometimes tsunami. And lately? It’s been tsunami season.

Exhaustion has been sitting heavy on my chest this past month. Not just tired-tired, but soul fatigue. That quiet, creeping burnout that doesn’t knock on the door—it just kicks it down and makes itself at home.

But this weekend, in the middle of my breakdown, I let myself be seen.

And instead of being told to “toughen up” or “get it together,” I was met with presence. Patience. Love.

That kind of holding? That’s healing. That’s sacred.

We all need someone who can hold us in the mess—not fix it, just witness it. Someone who doesn’t rush to patch our pain but says, “I see you. I hear you. I’m here.”

So to my husband—my main squeeze, my soft place to land—thank you.

Thank you for letting me speak without needing to make sense. Thank you for showing me that I don’t have to do it all to be loved. Thank you for listening when all I could do was unravel.

If you’re reading this and you’ve been trying to “do it all” while quietly falling apart—please hear me: you’re allowed to pause. You’re allowed to ask for help (even when you don’t know how). You’re allowed to be the strong one and the soft one. The master and the mess.

And if you want to hear more about this moment and how it’s reshaping the way I move through love, healing, and self-leadership, tune into Soul Sync Diaries: Episode 5.

I’m pulling back the curtain on what it means to be seen in it—not after the glow-up, but in the grit.

Because healing doesn’t always look like breakthroughs and aha moments. Sometimes it looks like falling apart in the arms of someone who simply won’t let go.